Points of light

Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me alone.

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.

It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper that's the time to do it. 

No one is listening until you make a mistake.

Never play gotch'yer nose with a pitbull.

Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

Don't squat with your spurs on.

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.

The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side & a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.

We come into this world, bald, wrinkle, fat, and with no teeth.  We leave the same way.