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 Will Roger's advice - still good today! 

1. Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.

2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.

3. There are 2 theories to arguing with a woman...neither works.

4. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

5. Always drink upstream from the herd.

6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.

7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back in your pocket.

8. There are three kinds of men
   The ones that learn by reading.
   The few who learn by observation.
   The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence.

9. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

10. If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.

11. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back.

12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring.  He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him... The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.

13. If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else's dog around.

14. It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.

15. When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a person, don't be surprised if they learn their lesson.

16. When you're throwin' your weight around, be ready to have it thrown around by somebody else.

17. Whoever wrote the Ten Commandments made 'em short. They may not always be kept but they can be understood.

18. No nation ever had two better friends that we have. You know who they are? The Atlantic and Pacific oceans.

19. People are marvelous in their generosity if they just know the cause is there.

20. No man is great if he thinks he is.

21. Personally, I have always felt the best doctor in the world is the Veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what's the matter. He's just got to know.

22. Take diplomacy out of a war and the thing would fall flat in a week.

23. Everybody is ignorant. Only on different subjects.

24. They may call me a rube and a hick, but I'd a lot rather be the man who bought the Brooklyn Bridge than the man who sold it.

25. Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

26. Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.

27. The American people are very generous people and will forgive almost any weakness, with the possible exception of stupidity.

28. The minute that you read something that you can't understand, you can almost be sure it was drawn up by a lawyer.

29. Income tax has made liars out of more Americans than golf

30. If stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?

31. A man only learns in two ways, one by reading, and the other by association with smarter people.

32. We can't all be heroes because someone has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by.

 

 

 

 

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