Inspirational Thoughts of the Day

(Well at least they make you think - whether you agree or not)

I worry that if I lose my mind nobody will notice.

If it sounds too good to be true, you are probably watching an infomercial.

There are no stupid questions - But there are a heck of an awful lot of inquisitive idiots.

Your recent comments have reminded me of something terribly important - it's time to take your medicine.

Sometimes it seems as though the world is a tuxedo and you are a pair of brown shoes.

Youth is wasted on the young - Mark Twain

Success is more attitude than aptitude.

An honest man doesn't have to tell you about it over and over again.

Ham and eggs are a day's work for a chicken, but a lifetime commitment for a pig.

Your life will go by someone's agenda.  If not yours, then someone else's.  Your choice.

Be ashamed to die until you have won some victory for humanity. -  Horace Mann

Never try to teach a pig to sing.  It frustrates the teacher and annoys the pig.  (Apply this one to humans for the true effect,)

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Be proud of yourself - but only if you have accomplished something. Otherwise, be ashamed.

Never play gotchyernose with a pitbull

Never worry about tomorrow - it's coming anyway and will probably present its own solutions.

Racial hatred and racial pride are born of the same fabric - lack of personal accomplishment.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away - and you can eat a whole bunch of apples for the cost of a doctor visit.

To err is human...to blame it on someone else shows management potential.

If you put instant coffee into a microwave, can you go back in time?

An honest politician is almost certainly unemployed.

With a body like this, who needs hair?

The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.

A man never really loses his hair.  It merely slides down his back and onto his butt.

Did you hear about the dyslexic atheist? He doesn't believe in dogs.

Humans are at their best when they work and give to others.

Women of bald men are lucky.  There's so much more face to kiss.

Work is for people who don't know how to fish.

Life is but a circle - You came into this world fat, wrinkled, bald and with no teeth, and you will probably leave the same way.

You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to float on his back and sing La Cucaracha, you've got something.

You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk.

You know it's a going to be a bad business day when you arrive and find Mike Wallace at the door.

You know it's going to be a bad day when your boss tells you to not bother to take off your coat.

The surest way to give something to yourself is to give something to others.

A husband said to his wife, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine."

Cosmetics: A woman's way of keeping a man from reading between the lines.

Maturity is knowing when and where to be immature.

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

Do NOT argue with a spouse who's packing your parachute.

When momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!

Never stop acting like a child.  Just know when to send him to his room to think about it.