Inspirational Thoughts of the
(Well at least they make you
think - whether you agree or not)
I worry that if I lose my mind
nobody will notice.
If it sounds too good to be true,
you are probably watching an infomercial.
There are no stupid questions -
But there are a heck of an awful lot of inquisitive idiots.
Your recent comments have
reminded me of something terribly important - it's time to take
Sometimes it seems as though the
world is a tuxedo and you are a pair of brown shoes.
Youth is wasted on the young -
Success is more attitude than
An honest man doesn't have to
tell you about it over and over again.
Ham and eggs are a day's work for
a chicken, but a lifetime commitment for a pig.
Your life will go by someone's
agenda. If not yours, then someone else's. Your
Be ashamed to die until you have
won some victory for humanity. - Horace Mann
Never try to teach a pig to
sing. It frustrates the teacher and annoys the pig. (Apply
this one to humans for the true effect,)
How is it that we put man on the
moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels
Be proud of yourself - but only
if you have accomplished something. Otherwise, be ashamed.
Never play gotchyernose with a
Never worry about tomorrow - it's
coming anyway and will probably present its own solutions.
Racial hatred and racial pride
are born of the same fabric - lack of personal accomplishment.
An apple a day keeps the doctor
away - and you can eat a whole bunch of apples for the cost of a
To err is human...to blame it on
someone else shows management potential.
If you put instant coffee into a
microwave, can you go back in time?
An honest politician is almost
With a body like this, who needs
The sole purpose of a child's
middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
A man never really loses his
hair. It merely slides down his back and onto his butt.
Did you hear about the dyslexic
atheist? He doesn't believe in dogs.
Humans are at their best when
they work and give to others.
Women of bald men are
lucky. There's so much more face to kiss.
Work is for people who don't know
how to fish.
Life is but a circle - You came
into this world fat, wrinkled, bald and with no teeth, and you
will probably leave the same way.
You can lead a horse to water,
but if you can get him to float on his back and sing La Cucaracha,
you've got something.
You are always doing something
marginal when the boss drops by your desk.
You know it's a going to be a bad
business day when you arrive and find Mike Wallace at the door.
You know it's going to be a bad
day when your boss tells you to not bother to take off your coat.
The surest way to give something
to yourself is to give something to others.
A husband said to his wife,
"No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your
mother-in-law better than I like mine."
Cosmetics: A woman's way of
keeping a man from reading between the lines.
Maturity is knowing when and
where to be immature.
If love is blind, why is lingerie
Do NOT argue with a spouse who's
packing your parachute.
When momma ain't happy, ain't
Never stop acting like a
child. Just know when to send him to his room to think about