Editor's Note: Personal
emptiness or fulfillment is a subject that many people try to avoid
because it can be painful to examine. We all have a void that
we must fill or we decline.
Dr. Paul examines the "empty
feeling" that so many people have and discusses how to fill it
What Fills Inner
by: Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
Samantha is a very giving person.
She gives to her family and her friends. She volunteers at a local
hospital and helps build homes for low income families. She is a
spiritual person who prays daily. Yet Samantha has a big empty space
inside her, a black hole of sadness that nothing seems to fill. How
can this be? She is doing everything right - doing service, praying
and trying in many ways to be a good person - so what’s wrong?
The problem is that Samantha does
not take care of herself. She works too hard, forgets to eat and
eats junk food, doesn’t play enough, and says yes when she really
means no. Her Inner Child is abandoned most of the time while she is
so busy caring for others.
Samantha has never learned that she
must bring love, not just to the level of her heart and then out to
others, but to the level of her own feelings - her Inner Child. She
thinks that by filling her heart with love and giving that love to
others, she will get filled in return. She wonders why she still
feels so empty inside.
The only one who can begin to fill
that emptiness within her is Samantha, and that occurs only when
Samantha cares about herself - her own feelings and needs - at least
as much as she cares about others. However, Samantha was taught that
it’s selfish to take care of herself - that she’s loving only if
she takes care of others. She was taught that she will feel
fulfilled within when she gives to others, and that others will give
back to her and fill up the emptiness within.
It doesn’t work that way.
When we are not filling ourselves
by attending to our own feelings, needs and well-being, we will feel
empty and alone inside. When we are not asking a higher source of
guidance throughout the day what is loving to ourselves - what is in
our highest good - and taking loving action in our own behalf, we
will be empty within no matter how much we do for others and no
matter how much others do for us. We are the only ones, in
connection with a spiritual source of love, who can fill up the
Samantha is confused about the
difference between selfishness and self-responsibility. She is
actually being selfish by not taking care of herself because others
are constantly worrying about her.
When we don’t take on the
responsibility of our own well-being, we will automatically pull on
others energetically to fill the hole within us. An empty place
within is like a vacuum that sucks energy from others when we are
not bringing love to ourselves. Others may try to give to us, but
it’s a bottomless pit when we are not filling ourselves by taking
loving care of our own feelings and needs.
I spent some time with Samantha
when we worked together on a volunteer project. I could feel her
sadness and inner aloneness the whole time I was with her and my
heart broke for her. Here she is, a wonderful giving woman who has
spent her life in service, only to end up with a bottomless pit of
It was like watching child abuse,
only the child who is being abused is her own Inner Child. I hope
someday that Samantha discovers the beauty of who she is and decides
to care for herself in the same way she has always cared for others.
I hope she learns to bring the spiritual love that she is connected
with down to the level of her own feelings first, before giving it
out to others.
Actually, Samantha needs to learn
to do this to save her own life, because it is evident to me that
she is getting more and more depleted by giving to others while not
receiving from God and from others. Until she is open to giving to
herself, she does not even know when she is being given to by
others. Until she loves herself, she will not feel the love of
others. Others' love is fulfilling only when we are also loving
About The Author
Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books,
including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?"
and “Healing Your Aloneness.” She is the co-creator of the
powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now!
Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com